BJ

Among other things Ben is a really good subject.
He can really strike a pose.

Probably not as well as Marty can though.(Stolen from E. Murphy)

Partying Since Day 1

Vote

Cheaters

Why Not?

(I wish that was the CTA)

Not so Sunny

The Sun Times reminded me that the Cubs got smoked about two weeks ago. I have been pretty depressed about it. That is probably why I have not made a post in a while. Nothing was funny anymore, and it probably wasn't even that funny to begin with.

Today was also another milestone. Mike B has set an official Cubs record for refusing to leave his seat for two weeks and counting. Mike says that he will not move until God gives him a reasonable answer to why this happened. There could not be a better bookend to a Cubs' losing season than this picture. At least it gives me something to laugh about.

(Pictured from R to L: Mike B)

What the Hell is Going On?

Bout Them Donuts

(The coolest dude in the world)

There is not a better person in the world, ever, to pitch a no hitter. I only hope that he has time to update his book.

Missed Connections Part II

Little know fact. James Blunt was discovered on Craigs List. I am not sure if his connection was ever fulfilled though.

James Blunt's Missed Connection

Matt Senator Now

Ben Johnson in 50

Marty in 50

Ty Ty in 50

Twist and Shout

Bout That Nature

I thought I told ya.

Benjing Part III

Channeling Culture.  What happens when  the ideologies of one culture is processed through another?  You decide! Here are some examples:

American on China:

China on America:

Both attempts are hilarious and the Chinese seem to be saying "fuck you" more than anything else.  So, I think I have to side with them on this one.

Benjing Part II

Barak Obama

VS.

Wen Jiabao

They are both lefties but that is about all Wen Jaibao has in common with Obama's game.  I would be surprised if he got a bucket off of Obeezy.

Benjing

I was talking to my brother today and he told me that he has a new roomate who is Chinese. He said he going to film every gold medal victory by the USA in the Beijing Olyimpics and play it on repeat in their apartment. (He should have plenty of material) This conversation made me realize there are larger solcial issues going on besides the fact that China has been making some fat cash over that last 20 years. AND that is why the Red White and Blue will continue to dominate. Dont get me wrong. I am happy that China is becoming a better place to live but it has not come that far yet and it will be a long time coming, if it ever does surpass the USA.


Do you think that Tyson Gay would be caught dead on one of these?

(Not so fast guys) 

More on China soon.

Solid Contact m4w 23. (The Sum)

I was looking at missed connections on Craig’s List the other day and I could not believe how many people I know are on there. Youre not fooling me. I was begining to think everyone I know is on there, but then I started to realize how much time I was wasting on Craig’s List. For instance, I am sure the McCahills are regular contributors. I cant imagine how many connections Joe has missed.


Erin
http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/mis/781965719.html
Don’t worry Erin. People like you.

Matt
http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/mis/779840896.html
He hasnt even moved to Chicago yet and the ladies cant get enough.

Natalie
http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/mis/780700251.html
I’m not sure what she means either.

Marty
http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/mis/778357867.html
Marty might be getting a little ahead of himself, but not that far.

Ivica
http://chicago.craigslist.org/nwc/mis/781133004.html
Ivica would always point out a pair of knockers.

Zack
http://chicago.craigslist.org/wcl/mis/780968571.html
I was under the impression that Zack only had one thing on his mind when he goes to Double D. I guess there are two.

I think I will see you at the Kleenex Thee Almighty show on August 23rd? You had really nice hair and were waring shorts. I am not sure if you could see me because Pat hogs all of the attention. Let me know?

reply to: dhjohnson1@gmail.com

Sit Down, Stay a While

Fiction_L

Since I am going to become a librarian I joined a "Fiction List Serve" where libraries from all over America ask each other questions and help each other find books that their patrons want.

Every once in a while someone will ask for different types of titles that "take place in Texas" or any other type of theme. The other day I read a number of emails suggesting books that have " unique protagonists" and I think a librarian from Arkansas has pointed out the best book ever written. Check out this description,

"The REX series by Eric Garcia (the first is ANONYMOUS REX). The
protagonist is a tyrannosaurus rex disguised as a human working as a
private investigator."

Sorry T-Bone, I guess you're too late on this one.

KTA-BJ=A

July 25th, 2008
Murphys Bar
7414 Madison St
Forest Park, IL 60130
(708) 366-3008

The Dude on the left (-the pit stains) is going to play too.

UIAA

The U of I Alumni Association celebrates its diversity.

What are the criteria for becoming a member?

You Cant Spell Dance without "DAN" - Eddie

This is for those who were either too "cool" or too "busy" to go to Tess' dance show. Tess' dance was pretty hilarious and probably the highlight. However you really missed out on the Extra Exclusive VIP After-Party. Some people were getting down like it was there job.




I am pretty sure that Marty was at home in his room doing this.

Vacation

My brother canceled our badass plans to go to Russia so now I have to figure out somewhere else to go in August. I have been trying to think of some place new to go. But I realized it may be more fun to go back somewhere I have already been too.

Somewhere that has so much love that you can read it in the streets.
Where the bright lights sweep you off your feet.

And where familiar faces hang around every corner.

Somewhere with fast women.
But also somewhere with a lot of comfort to go around.

Somewhere that is great for duets.

But also is good for flying solo.

It is also important that the people there find Marty as weird as I do.

Overall, a place that brings out the best in me.



What do you think?

Elephant Artist

This is to clear the air about whether or not that elephant on Marty's blog (April 8th, 2008) can paint. Turns out there is a website for elephant artist with biographies and everything. Here is some info about Jojo.

"Jojo is considered to be one of the top three elephant artists. Jojo’s works are very distinctive and they have sold at international auctions for thousands of dollars. Perhaps cognisant of his artistic status in the world, Jojo will decide for himself when his inspiration has died and in the middle of a painting will just turn around and walk off, no matter how much his mahout protests."

That paragraph makes about as much sense as anything I have ever read about any artist, human or not. I'm also pretty sure every "artist" that I know is jealous. Here's a picture to make it even worse.



I think I might buy a painting. 300 dollars is not so bad. Little known fact. The elephants also made the website.

Sonotheque

A couple of Kaisers rollin with the ladies.

Julian showed these girls things that they have never even heard of in the U.K. Or was it New Zealand? I couldnt really hear the girl because she was at least 4 feet taller than me. I am not even sure who that joke is making fun of. I am also not sure what was better; watching these dudes dance for hours or eating Whoppers back in the Sum with Julian.

Probably the whoppers.

Square Dance

I feel paranoid I get on the flor and I just freak out.

Maybe a new sound for Kleenex?

Let Me Know If You Want to Borrow One

The shelves cost more than the Dvds.

Which One Do You Think is Best?

They wouldnt let me embed the first one. The second one is pretty much the best thing Ive ever seen.



http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ5sAuzWOy8&feature=related






http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ5sAuzWOy8&feature=related

Get Em

This is What I Do When I Don't Have Class.

Probably the raddest dude ever.


I have no idea where he comes up with this stuff.




I found some older videos too.


I think that Marty's elephant who paints has got some competition.

Ilene

Ilene was my radio teacher in high school. Marty kept calling me while I was interviewing her. I wish I had a secretary to take all of my calls.

I Thought I Told Errbody

This clip will help remind me to yell ya.

"Hey Señor Johnson. Look at this drawing...It's a bird going to work."


Careful. Don't touch.

These three things are pretty much everything cool that has happened to me since I last posted. Also, they all tie into each other. I got that drawing where I make my money which makes me bout that money. And if i wasn't bout that money I wouldn't have that painting.

The Rookie

I had to sub for the BD kids the other day at the middle school and it was one of the best days I have had yet, in life. I was not looking forward to it at all but there were only 3 kids in my class and I had two aids working with them for the entire day. We played knock out in the gym. I won two games but the kids still called me rookie. We also made some star designs. Here is mine:

The best part of the day came when this boy was asking me about what its like to live to college dorms. He asked if there were girls on my floor and if I talked to them. I could tell that he really wanted to know if it was easy to have sex with the girls so I tried to explain to him that college kids are more mature than that (they're not). He didn't believe me at all though and told me, "yeah right, I bet you were like, 'give me some of that chocolate milk.'" Im not sure I even know what that means but its an awesome saying.

Congrats Marty!

Marty has turned his life around. All of those days at the gym have paid off. Check him out...

April Fools.

Encore!

This is Probably My Favorite TV Show

Hot Off the Presses

This is what the shirts are going to be. They are easily the raddest shirts yet although I cant tell if that is a mom on a strike or a fat dude on strike. It should be noted that Barb Cuatchon and Maria Roche are going to be demonstrating on Green St. in protest of our retarded bar crawl. I kind of wish that was actually going to happen. Mustaches would then be the only thing to make the bar crawl more ironic. And maybe some big glasses.

Changed Date

How about April 19th? Does that make you happy Laura? What about everyone else? I sure the 3 other people who read my blog have some sort of problem with the 19th.

Moms on Strike Bar Crawl

The bar crawl is going to be on April 12th this year.  I have a feeling that it might be the best one ever.  Earnest is making custom made shirts, Kleenex thee Almighty mighty play a show, and Eddie is going to make all the girls who work for him wear mini skirts all day.  Start telling your friends about it but try to keep Joe McCahill out of the loop.  I don't feel like seeing his penis ever again in my life.

A Little Bit Juicay.

I am pretty disappointed that nobody has written about me on Juicy Campus.  Here's what they have as part of the list for Urbanawarts.

GRYFFINDORS
Harry Potter - Marty Cuatchon
Hermione Granger - Shera Nuss
Padma Patil - Ria Roberts

Pavarti Patil - Paulina Boonman
Oliver Wood - Caleb Ganzer
Neville Longbottom - Alex Hidalgo
Dean Thomas - Alex Bielen

Lee Jordan - Justin Cudmore
Sirius Black - Raffaele Stupparitz

I would be a perfect Neville.  Check it out...

It doesn't get much better than that.  It should also be noted that Marty Cuatchon is Harry Potter meaning that he most likely made the post on Juicy Campus.  He probably also made the one declaring himself to best dressed dude on campus.  That dude is not well dressed or is he like Harry Potter.  He's more like a slightly overweight circus clown. 

Visitors

For some reason Ivica and Josh came to Urbana and hung out in my living room.(Hanging out)

Ty Ty stopped by too.

(hanging out)

We listened to some tunes.

We had some drinks.

(Gin and tonic)

Ivica did some damage.

(Double checking if he flushed)

Then he disappeared.

In the end we had a good weekend. I made some art and I think we all became better friends.

On the other hand the whole time I couldnt help but notice that something was missing.